Has this breastfeeding 'debate' been overblown?

I've been living half under a rock lately and have only caught glimpses of the apparently raging debate about public breastfeeding on social media (Twitter, Facebook and a couple of blogs). 
I suspect it's been overblown. 
Women who are tired of a lack of support for breastfeeding, including doing so in public, have answered back at their perceived critics. 
Which is like waving a red flag at a media that seems forever itching to paint women as irrational and reactionary shrews, always with a bee in our bonnets over something. And bingo, a war of words is born. 
So I'm going to add some of my words to the war.
* I breastfeed in public and while have had a few awkward moments, have never been stigmatised. For which I'm grateful. I've even nursed at the local pool and no one batted an eye, as far as I could tell. 
* However should anyone feel offended by me doing so, tough luck. You don't like it, look away. 
* Breastfeeding is an inherently discreet exercise. After a brief and essentially unavoidable flash of skin the baby's head covers any 'scary' bits. I don't dispute claims some mothers flaunt themselves but really cannot believe this happens much at all, let alone at alarming levels. I've never seen it. 
* Having said all that, these days I often do go somewhere private to feed. Not because I'm uncomfortable, but because it doesn't take long for babies to become enormous stickybeaks. My daughter has the sense - unlike some in the community, it seems - to realise there are far more interesting things to look at than my boobs, and so we find a place where she can focus on the job at hand. 

If people are uncomfortable with mothers breastfeeding in public, fair enough. They probably can't help it. But they need to learn to live with it. And asking us to 'calm down, all we want is for you to be discreet' is unfair because it implies we are irrational (which we aren't) and that we are deliberately indiscreet (which, in my experience, we aren't). 

Please can we stop the blind assumptions and victim blaming?

What a sad, sad few days it's been. Reminders that tragedy can strike swiftly and brutally, as with the death of a three-year-old in a house fire here in the goldfields. And that it can also be excruciatingly slow, until the final blow falls just as quickly and devastatingly, as with the Jill Meagher case. 
An awful time for all the families and friends involved. Your heart can't help aching for them. 
And in among the pain, behaviour by some sectors of the community that is appalling. I'm talking of the double standard on display when Meagher disappeared.  
This double standard basically goes that when disaster befalls a woman she is somehow to blame, but when men (young, white men, anyway) are harmed something or someone else is responsible. 
Clementine Ford wrote a great piece about victim-blaming in the Jill Meagher case. You can read it here. 
Yet look at what happened when Thomas Kelly died in Kings Cross a couple of months ago. There was, quite rightly, a huge outcry about alcohol-related violence and calls for crackdowns and a greater police presence. I was disappointed the response didn't go further and question our country's drinking culture, but that is a whole other post. 

Pic courtesy: www.fiveaa.com.au

At the time I couldn't help thinking how different the response would have been had it been a woman attacked, or an Aboriginal or, say, Indian man. I suspect there'd have been a fair whack of victim blaming, and probably also in the latter examples very limited, or no, mainstream media interest. 
What happened to Kelly was a tragedy. He should have had the right to go out and enjoy himself without suffering harm. Call me dim, but shouldn't this mean Meagher did too?
I'm aware I may sound like a whinging, wowser of a woman. Oh well. Too often non-white, non-male people get shafted by this double standard for me not to whinge about it. 

What do you think? Does this kind of thing irk you no end too?

**My thoughts and prayers are with those touched by these terrible events.** 

news.com.au or nauseating.com.au?

I don't know what possessed me to visit the news.com.au website over my vegemite sandwich this morning, but I did. I don't as a rule because, basically, I think it's rubbish. This morning's offerings failed to sway me from this assessment. Three stories on its home page sent me spinning into a rant:

Piece No.1: "Australia's richest women seek millions more"
A valid story, yes. But using the gold-digger element was very poor form. Such misogynistic editorialising is simply foul.
It wasn't until the third paragraph that a man was mentioned. And then only so briefly you could almost imagine he was dragged kicking and screaming into the affair by these money-hungry she-devils.
It reinforces, with all the subtlety of a fog horn, the nonsensical yet widely held notion that women are not allowed to ask for more. And that successful women must be brought down a peg or 100 whenever possible.
Would a story of businessmen suing for royalties been given the same treatment? Well, possibly. But I doubt it. Most likely it would have taken a corporate-battle tone; at worst been presented with a fat cats angle.

Piece No.2: "Hawke's women erupt in airport brawl" 
Male ding-dongs, for example those between footballers, are generally not reported with such malicious glee. They are usually presented as serious affairs, not indulgent entertainment.
I can't see how this personal dispute even rates as a news story. Certainly not a leading one, with its own spot on the home page. I'm no fan of the gossipy type stories either, but if this story had to run, that's the segment where it should have been.
But guess what? Their cat fight slot in the entertainment pages was booked up. Specifically, with trash story No.3: a piece about Dancing With The Stars, with Lara Bingle and someone else apparently screeching at each other. I can't remember who - I wasn't interested enough to read it, I just noticed the link to it on the home page.
While I'm at it, may I also say I'm jack of these narky, petty stories. They do nothing beyond pander to a vicious, sniping streak and encourage us to be cruel at the expense of someone else.
Now, News Ltd obviously isn't alone in this kind of reporting. It seems to be de rigueur for the majority of news outlets today. And having worked for a News Ltd paper, and having a friend on the news.com.au team, I know there's more to the organisation than tripe (I was pleased to also see this story about Gina Rinehart on a News Ltd site). I even find myself defending at times.
But on this occasion, it lost me.

Do these kinds of reports shit you to tears too? How much trash dressed up as news can you take before switching off in disgust?

< Previous post: Grateful for ... coffee

Pulling the plug on beauty

You know what? I give up. I'm quitting the beauty race. Am throwing my hands up and declaring "enough".
My final shaking of the beauty shackles was prompted by an unlikely source - the cosmetic surgery industry and it's pervasiveness.
(It was a bit tricky to get actual figures on procedure numbers in Australia. Apparently the Australian Society of Plastic Surgeons is "working towards the development of collection tools to gather data on plastic surgery".)
It seems everyone (almost) is into it these days. Botox on your lunch break. Boob jobs at 18. Butt lifts as birthday presents.
But if that's what you have to do to keep up, then I don't want to play anymore.
The decision to pack up my bat and ball had been coming for a while.
Firstly, I got in quite a huff over what goes on in magazines. The retouching of photos, the constant peddling of (often hideously expensive) products and the bombardment of unobtainable 'beauty' images. And you're to blame too, Mr Entertainment Industry. And you, Advertising.
The battiness of some 'must-have' and 'so now' looks the industry tries to flog also had a bit to do with it, admittedly. Or, as Paul describes them, the 'wild get-ups some sheilas wear'. I mean, when someone encourages you to look like this:

Image source: http://www.shoptilyoudrop.com.au/

Or this:

I'm always disappointed when I wear
lipstick because it never lasts.
Something tells me if I tried this colour
I wouldn't mind so much.
Image source: http://www.shoptilyoudrop.com.au/

... you have to suspect they're pulling your leg.
Age also played a part. With it came the realisation the battle to look like Gisele or Marilyn or whoever, hard as it already had been, was only going to get harder. If I couldn't achieve it when at least youth was on my side, what hope would I have now? That's right. None.
Then the idea that the whole beauty ideal was in fact a big fat crock sunk in. I accepted what I had. Became grateful for it, even.
Eventually I got not just tired of it all but also insulted. Must I strive to look always 'sexy' and skinny, simply because Celebrity Slim and Extreme Makeover and the myriad heap of crock beauty/weight-loss focused organisations decree that is how any woman of worth looks?
No thank you. I prefer to spend my spare time - and cash - doing things I enjoy rather than on physical self-improvement just so I can meet some faceless person's idea of what I should be. Am I not enough as I am? Of course I bloody am. We all are. Anyone who tries to tell us differently - and they are incredibly numerous and very, very loud - deserves the finger.
I won't even start on the fashion and weight expectations mere children now face (though a rant on that will come some time in the near future)*.
All this is not to say I won't take any pride in my appearance. I don't want to frighten young children in the street. I will still wear make-up (mostly) when I go out. Will still sigh over beautiful shoes. Will aim to keep my girth within a range my clothes can accommodate. But, however I look as I walk out the door, it will be more than adequate.
So thank you, beauty industry and western society. With your pushiness and silly demands, you've finally gone too far and set me free.

* Also coming up sooner or later, but probably later: How much do you spend on your beauty regimen?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this post. Have you opted out of the beauty race? What was your tipping point? Maybe you were smart and never bought into it to begin with?

Slutwalk. I can't tear my eyes away from it

Women marching in a Slutwalk event.
Image source: www.theglobeandmail.com

I have found the whole Slutwalk thing enthralling. Especially as it kind of came out of the blue and exploded.
I'm thrilled to see women getting mad and speaking out. Any form of victim-blaming needs to be knocked on the head once and for all. Right now.
Yet ... I too share in some of the reservations other observers have expressed. The shying away from the term 'feminist' by some of the protesters, for one. Also, the notion that shouting about your love of sex is a worthy, even admirable way, to bend people to your cause and win power. Why must we be people who have a strong, public association with sex to be valued? Why can't we be valued simply because we are people?

Here are some views, and background information, on the event I've found interesting (warning: the language isn't exactly G-rated in some of these pieces):

• One of the original organisers on how the protest began. Full article at http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/being-a-slut-and-getting-pissed-off

"Having been a confident slut for sometime, this January the word was slung out again as an epithet, but this time it wasn’t by a high school kid. It was by someone who demands respect by way of authority. Someone who’s charged with a person’s safety. Someone who should know better. So when I read the quote in the Excal, “don’t dress like a slut…”, I could almost hear the blame dripping from the word.

It angered me to think that while I managed to learn about healthy sexuality in my adulthood, why hadn’t this person done the same? Who was he to insult people in such a way? I knew that he hadn’t read the Ethical Slut. I knew that he wasn’t using the word in a positive light, as many do these days. He used it as a slur, and it was laced with ideas that some people don’t deserve respect. Sure, he may not think that sluts deserve to get raped, but he didn’t launch a conversation that day about sexuality and language. He continued to perpetuate a stereotype."

• Tory Shepherd at www.thepunch.com.au. Full article at http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/the-sluts-protest-too-much-methinks/

"Many will simply take away the idea that it’s now OK to call women sluts if they’re showing some cleavage.

Others will see it as an easy opportunity to perve on a bunch of semi-clad chicks. Older people and conservatives will see it as proof of the moral laxity of today’s women.

But worst of all, it will enforce the idea that women should be defined by their sexuality.

It will have an effect on girls and young women who will see these protests in the papers, online and in the news. And it will reinforce the already widespread impression that sex, for a woman, is power. Or the route to power."

• This one really struck a chord with me - several chords, actually. It's one of the longer pieces, but is a great read and covers many of the disappointing aspects of the movement. Full article at: http://www.feminisms.org/2585/were-sluts-not-feminists-wherein-my-relationship-with-slutwalk-gets-rocky/

"I followed the progress of Slutwalk Toronto and, in particular, the threads and posts on their Facebook page, as it seemed to be the place where the most of the conversations were happening. I looked and looked for some mention of feminism, some alignment and acknowledgment that this was, indeed, a feminist issue and a feminist fight – a fight that has been being faught by women for decades. Instead what I found, over and over again was, not only a refusal to align with feminism, but often, an outright aversion to it. 

I saw numerous attacks on radical feminism and radical feminists and I witnessed the reinforcement of negative and untrue stereotypes about feminism (you know the ones: man-hating, misandrist, no-fun, sex-negative, etc). While I do believe the organizers had good intentions, desiring that Slutwalk be inclusive to all, it began to look a lot like the ‘funfeminist’ – NO NO WE’RE THE CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE FEMINISTS. THE FUN ONES. WE’RE OK. WE LIKE PENISES AND PORN AND LOOKING SEXY kind of feminism that, in the end doesn’t successfully challenge much of anything, and simply repackages sexist imagery in ‘empowering’ wrapping paper."

• And one final one, discussing how some of the coverage of the event has been handled. Full article at http://www.feminisms.org/2754/slutwalk-a-critical-note-around-coverage-of-criticism//

"On May 16th, Slutwalk Calgary issued a statement which addressed the whole issue of ‘The Name’, concluding that “This will probably be our last comment on the name. That conversation is nothing more than a distraction from the real issue, which is our communities blaming sexual assault survivors for the actions of their attackers. Period.”

Well. Ok. I agree. Sort of. The conversation should be about blaming victims for having been assaulted. But wait. Then WHY is the conversation continually being re-focused back onto the whole name thing? And the assertion that one group, on behalf of all women, regardless to how this might impact them, are ‘taking it back’. MY opinion on this? If you don’t want to talk about the name, then don’t call your event Slutwalk."

See? An endlessly fascinating topic, wouldn't you agree?
It saddens and frustrates me that a cause like this has to be presented in such a way to gain this level of traction. Any well-earned success of the 'movement' notwithstanding, the fact it takes something called Slutwalk to gain mainstream attention shows how far we have to go, and the strength of the stereotypes women are so often confined to even today.

I will be watching with great interest to see what happens after all the walks.

I would LOVE to get your thoughts on this. (Not necessarily right away, or today. If you do read all the above pieces in full it will take some getting through). But, like I said, I find people's views on this topic fascinating. Does any of it resonate with you, or do you think it's irrelevant? I'm also keen to see anything you may have read on the issue and found interesting.