Pulling the plug on beauty

You know what? I give up. I'm quitting the beauty race. Am throwing my hands up and declaring "enough".
My final shaking of the beauty shackles was prompted by an unlikely source - the cosmetic surgery industry and it's pervasiveness.
(It was a bit tricky to get actual figures on procedure numbers in Australia. Apparently the Australian Society of Plastic Surgeons is "working towards the development of collection tools to gather data on plastic surgery".)
It seems everyone (almost) is into it these days. Botox on your lunch break. Boob jobs at 18. Butt lifts as birthday presents.
But if that's what you have to do to keep up, then I don't want to play anymore.
The decision to pack up my bat and ball had been coming for a while.
Firstly, I got in quite a huff over what goes on in magazines. The retouching of photos, the constant peddling of (often hideously expensive) products and the bombardment of unobtainable 'beauty' images. And you're to blame too, Mr Entertainment Industry. And you, Advertising.
The battiness of some 'must-have' and 'so now' looks the industry tries to flog also had a bit to do with it, admittedly. Or, as Paul describes them, the 'wild get-ups some sheilas wear'. I mean, when someone encourages you to look like this:

Image source: http://www.shoptilyoudrop.com.au/

Or this:

I'm always disappointed when I wear
lipstick because it never lasts.
Something tells me if I tried this colour
I wouldn't mind so much.
Image source: http://www.shoptilyoudrop.com.au/

... you have to suspect they're pulling your leg.
Age also played a part. With it came the realisation the battle to look like Gisele or Marilyn or whoever, hard as it already had been, was only going to get harder. If I couldn't achieve it when at least youth was on my side, what hope would I have now? That's right. None.
Then the idea that the whole beauty ideal was in fact a big fat crock sunk in. I accepted what I had. Became grateful for it, even.
Eventually I got not just tired of it all but also insulted. Must I strive to look always 'sexy' and skinny, simply because Celebrity Slim and Extreme Makeover and the myriad heap of crock beauty/weight-loss focused organisations decree that is how any woman of worth looks?
No thank you. I prefer to spend my spare time - and cash - doing things I enjoy rather than on physical self-improvement just so I can meet some faceless person's idea of what I should be. Am I not enough as I am? Of course I bloody am. We all are. Anyone who tries to tell us differently - and they are incredibly numerous and very, very loud - deserves the finger.
I won't even start on the fashion and weight expectations mere children now face (though a rant on that will come some time in the near future)*.
All this is not to say I won't take any pride in my appearance. I don't want to frighten young children in the street. I will still wear make-up (mostly) when I go out. Will still sigh over beautiful shoes. Will aim to keep my girth within a range my clothes can accommodate. But, however I look as I walk out the door, it will be more than adequate.
So thank you, beauty industry and western society. With your pushiness and silly demands, you've finally gone too far and set me free.

* Also coming up sooner or later, but probably later: How much do you spend on your beauty regimen?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this post. Have you opted out of the beauty race? What was your tipping point? Maybe you were smart and never bought into it to begin with?

Derrieres in demand

Pippa Middleton in the dress that launched her
bottom onto 'must-have' lists across the UK,
and probably elsewhere.
Image source: http://www.hoymujer.com/

Oh dear, this is a little concerning. According to news reports, oodles of British women are signing up to have their bottoms surgically reshaped into replicas of Pippa Middleton's rear.
The Brisbane Times says:

The frenzy surrounding Pippa Middleton's derriere has led to a spike in bookings for bottom-lifting treatments in Britain.
Since April's royal wedding, cosmetic surgeons have reported a 60 per cent increase for work on British backsides.
One cosmetic clinic has even named a surgery, The Pip Package Perfect Posterior, which can cost up £8000 ($12,000).
Middleton became known around the world for her buttocks during her role as maid of honour for her sister Catherine's wedding to Prince William on April 29 at Westminster Abbey.
"We are now seeing scores of female clients seeking the perfect bottom," Lesley Khan of London's Harley Street Skin Clinic told London's Daily Star.
"A few years back everyone wanted the Jennifer Lopez look, but now everyone asks for a bottom like Pippa's - curvy but not too peachy."

 This is all of absolutely zero use to me. Because even if I had the wish (and the cash) to put my bum under the knife, I doubt the engineering methods required to lift it have yet been developed. It's sheer girth and weight would make it an impossibility. (Unless they first carved slabs off it and attached them to my sorry excuse for a chest).
Regardless of the changes in fashion that take us from peachy-curvy rears to medium-curvy ones to whatever is next, mine will have to remain the kind that demands Bisley work pants in '92 Stout' size. Pulling on clothes that yell 'stout' at you every morning does wonders for a girl's self-esteem, I can assure you.

Do you think having surgery to get someone else's bottom is a tad ridiculous? If not, whose would you want?

From the archives: Blokes, it's your turn to make a bit of effort

You may have read about the report showing that women are getting better looking.
Now this was not just a bit of speculation - someone actually spent time and money finding proof. By studying families and kids and lots of beautiful women. Bet that was a tough day’s work for the male researchers.
In the end they concluded evolution has meant pretty women have more children than their beauty-challenged sisters, and a higher proportion of those children are girls.
I don’t doubt the results for an instant. I’ve spent time recently in an office dominated by women and EVERY ONE OF THEM IS GORGEOUS. Stunning. The sole man isn’t different simply because of gender - he’s the only one with unfortunate eyebrows and approaching baldness.
It’s enough to give anyone average-looking (ie, me) a complex.
The findings are good news for men who like the pretty ladies. Unfortunately it appears women are unable to enjoy the same phenomena. Because it seems men are actually getting worse looking.
In fact, to generalise just a lot, they’ve really let themselves go. For the same reasons we’ve become so familiar with: smaller demand for physical work, a taste for lard-laden fast food, too much driving/not enough walking, and so on.
I’ve seen plenty of old photos of working guys on the job - building the Sydney Harbour Bridge, ploughing paddocks, driving Chevs or whatever it was they did to ‘make a bob’. The majority of them shirtless or in singlets. And ranging from easy on the eye to oh-my-freaking-god-now-he-is-HOT. Even allowing for the bizarre hairstyles and facial hair obsessions of the day.
Walk past a workshop or building site today and you’re likely to feel inordinately cheated. Firstly, the OH&S-required throat-to-wrist safety wear means there’s nary a bronzed, bare shoulder in sight. But it really doesn’t matter. Because underneath the sea of fluoro you’re more likely to encounter beer guts and manboobs than washboard abs and muscle-bound forearms. It’s no different – possibly worse - in offices where the flab is instead under business shirts and ties.
No wonder older women so often have that sour set to their mouths and call it the ‘good old days’.

This post was originally written in 2009 and is getting some air again for Weekend Rewind at Life In A Pink Fibro.