Friday, July 22, 2011

I'm not a female version of my husband. I am myself

My husband is a very interesting man.
Except when he's boring me to death.

Image source:
A few weeks ago I was delighted to wave my husband away on a weekend camping/prospecting trip. Delighted because I was staying at home, and it was the first time in months I had more than a couple of hours to myself.
(As it turned out I had a lot longer than a few hours because the weather turned wet and nasty but the group of hopeful prospectors decided to risk it. And got stranded. In a place adequately referred to as woop woop. For a week. But that is not the point of this post.)
Today I'm talking about the number of times fool old men people asked me why I didn't go with him. They were genuinely surprised I preferred a weekend of solitude (boring and lonely, and a bit aloof of me, according to them. Blissful, according to me) to traipsing athrough the never never in the cold with my husband and a metal detector. My very credentials as a wife seemed in question.
So, can I ask what is with this assumption wives are to toss away their own interests and trot around professing a fascination with anything their husbands deem halfway entertaining?
It certainly doesn't seem to work the other way. They wouldn't be surprised to hear Paul has no intention of accompanying me to the musical Wicked next month. And he won't be considered neglectful and a little too independent/selfish for his own good for not doing so. More eyebrows would be raised if he was actually coming.
(Come to think of it, these particular fellows would probably be surprised to hear even I'm going. 'Whadya doin' that shit on yer holidays for? Why don't you just go the beach and get pissed?' would more likely be their response.)
I've come up against this attitude this ever since we've been together. No matter his hobby, there's always someone - or several someones - who think I too should immediately take it up. But no such expectation is placed on him to, in return, share in my trips to art galleries, stage shows or concerts.
And while it shouldn't bug me - they're presumptuous old farts, after all - it does.

Have you experienced similar expectations? Can anyone tell me why on earth a couple would want to do every single thing together?


  1. ahahahh how strange. Peoples assumptions always amaze me. I have never come across this attitude at all. My husband surfs, i make art, he plays music, i sew....

    gosh- lucky you didn't go if they got stranded... i wanna hear that story too!

  2. The presumptions people make! I think it's better that you have your own interests and stay true to yourself.

    Besides, if you did everything together, when would you have time to miss each other?

    Popping over from FYBF

  3. Ok. First. I really want to hear about woop woop and how they got stranded for a week??? That sounds like a funny story.

    But second. The idea of my husband going camping (which I loathe with the heat of a nova), and maybe taking our boys (who love it) and leaving me alone. In the house. By myself. For days.

    Bliss. Utter, unadulterated bliss. Peppered with "I miss them so much" followed by "But don't rush, have fun, take your time".

    I'm a firm believer in solitude actually being good for one's soul.

  4. I think time apart doing your own thing is just as important for a marriage/relationship as time together with shared interests.

  5. The thought of having a week of peace and quiet is wonderful.

    Hubby and I used to share so many hobbies/past-times/time-wasters but not so much any more. Kids and work take up so much time now that I simply I enjoy the quiet!

    Thanks for dropping by :-D


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